Halloween Saturday. I used to love halloween, now i just hate it. Why? I don't like the fact that all the cool costumes are expensive as fuck, and they are still made of shitty material. Make a costume you say? No thank you. I have better shit to do.
My summer's been great <3 I have the best fiancee in the world <333333
So, Max and I traveled up to Monticello, IN on Monday to spend a day at Indiana Beach. The last time I visited IB, it seemed so much bigger.. maybe its because i was only 12? Yeah probably. Anywho, A whole day by ourselves, extremely relaxing. Next year, we are going to Holiday World, hands down.
I feel so much better now that i am not friends with a schizophrenic bitch. I have better friends, and life is much better when you don't have someone on your back bitching about the food you eat. Vegetarianism is probably one of the stupidest decisions i have ever made. Never again. Meat is murder, tasty tasty murder.
Something more exciting: My new car will be ready to drive in less than 2 weeks <3 I love my life.
I will kick every cramp in my ovaries in the face. And for those of you who say its not possible, trust me i will find a way. Because remember kids, where there is a will, i want to be in it.
Max came over this morning, we watched Jerry Springer and then went to Dairy Queen because i was biting off everyone's head because of my lack of chocolate intake. Hell hath no fury like a girl with cramps.
What made it worse was the fact that i had to go into work. I got yelled at 2 times for pointless bullshit that didnt even matter what-so-fucking-ever. I hate my job. Kayla showed up with medication for me, this completely made my day. I love you dude! Your the best!!!!!1
When i got home my sister instantly started in on how she is in charge while mom and dad are in Ohio. I pointed out that i am staying at Kayla's for the whole weekend, and she was a bit relieved that i wasnt going to be around. She then got the idea that it was ok to accuse me of stealing my brother's camera from his house, and selling it for money. Ok for one, i would never steal something and sell it for money. There's no point. I told her she needed liposuction, and then ran into the house and slammed my door. I felt powerful, and of course, really really hurt. I talked to Kayla for a long time, and she made me feel better, because she always does :3
Max came to my rescue and whisked me away to his house. I called my mom and told her that i would not be returning unless i got a full sincere apology. Mom apparently threatened Erin someway (I want to know how..) And i got a call 2 minutes later from Erin saying that she didnt mean it, and that she was really sorry. It was an act, i could tell. At least im home now (even tho i can still feel tension throughout the house)
Im still really hurt that she would accuse me of stealing a really expensive camera.
Kayla had this question in her journal, so im going to answer it too.
I have been called "Chewy" from the day i was born. My dad was big into star wars, and all the other hero movies and what not.. But, back to why my family calls me "Chewy". I used to make a growling noise similar to chewbacca when i was asleep (as a baby) So my parents decided that it fit. They still call me Chewy to this day. (Actually, just this morning my mom said "Bye Chewy, love ya!")
Monkeyface- I used to call an old friend of the family this. And she used to call me it back. I was only 3.
Andi Pandi - Again, this has been my nickname from family members since i was a baby. My dad wanted to name me "Andi" even if i was a boy or girl. I used to have this panda bear backpack i would carry around with me everywhere. And one day, i was just called "Andi Pandi"
Chibi - i got this in middle school when my friend Jessica started calling me it.
I gots cash from my mum and dad. Erin got me ATHF 5, and i got my Disturbed shirt from my bro and sis in law.
I bought a HUGE $17.99 how to draw manga book. It kicks ass.
I accidentally hit a raccoon when i went to go pick up food for my sister and i. On my way back i noticed there was no raccoon in the road. He must have been Jesus.
Im going to move up working as a waitress at Hirosaki in a few weeks. I am getting tired of just being a hostess.
And im just plain tired. But i cant pull myself away from the game console to get sleep. Aww.
“Hey Braun, it's Andrea. Just thought I would do this because Sam had this on his and I thought it was the cool fucking thing ever. So I wanted to try it on. If it doesn't work then I'll probably never use it ever again. Work tonight was hell. I never like working on weekends and I specially do not like the new person that works there now. I guess I'll have to warm up to him. Apparently everything is my fault there and even though I never did anything wrong. A lot of other things have gone wrong but I might as well type them out because I really don't feel like seeing them nor do I have the words to put them in. So this is just a test. Hopefully it works.”
Is it so wrong to want to feel important to someone you love? If its wrong, then i dont want to know whats right.
I woke up today, more disappointed because when i looked out the window, it was pouring down rain. Not to mention, its 40 degrees outside. My cousin's wedding was today, but i didnt go. For one i didnt feel up to it, and two, i havent seen him for 14 years. Does he remember me? Probably not. Although, i do feel bad about not going.
I feel like im such a bother to people.. I cant ever let things go. If something bothers me, i try my hardest to make things better, but only i make things worse.
Sometimes i feel like i just want to give up all together. I feel like i take too much shit, and i dont have a backbone anymore. Yes, i lost that backbone a long time ago. I want to be able to stand up for myself, and whats right for me, its so hard. I dont like rejection, i hate to even think of it. I dont understand, honestly. I have no problem standing up for myself when it comes to my family and friends, but when it comes to love, i feel hopeless. I just want to feel important to him.. is that so wrong? I guess i should give up all together, then again, i really dont want to. I cant lose again to my selfishness.
I feel so sick. I just want to run away. I wish the sun would come out, i know for a fact i would feel happier with the sun hanging over my head.
Perhaps i will return back to sleep. Hopefully when i wake up, things will be better. That is, i hope. I know it will only happen if i let it, well i want it to happen. Bring it on.
"Hide And Seek"
Where are we? What the hell is going on? The dust has only just begun to form, Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling. Spin me round again and rub my eyes. This can't be happening. When busy streets a mess with people would stop to hold their heads heavy.
Hide and seek. Trains and sewing machines. All those years they were here first.
Oily marks appear on walls Where pleasure moments hung before. The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this still life.
Hide and seek. Trains and sewing machines. (Oh, you won't catch me around here) Blood and tears, They were here first.
Mmm, what you say? Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did. Mmm, what you say? Mm, that it's all for the best? Ah of course it is. Mmm, what you say? Mm, that it's just what we need? And you decided this. Mmm what you say? What did she say?
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth. Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs. Speak no feeling, no I dont believe you. You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth. Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs. Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you. You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.
White wings Swirling gently ride The wind that takes You with the tide To shores unknown, Unseen by me. Today you sail A different sea With God to guide Your spirit free.
In loving memory Laura Elizabeth Rudie 6-8-1989 ~ 3-28-2004
Its a beautiful day outside, and im in my room.. typing this. Seriously what is wrong with this picture? Too bad its supposed to get nasty again.. Seriously i cant wait until i can go outside and wear my summer skirts and actually do something.
I guess its the whole fact that i cant stop playing Gaia, and im actually becoming one of the richest people on that game. Oh the thrills i will have...
New work schedule : Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays.
Thats like, an absolute gift from god.
So the weekly schedule goes:
Monday: Work. Tuesday: TKD Wednesday: Riley appointment and Work Thursday: TKD Friday: Work (And Kayla's coming home!) Saturday: TKD in the morning, and then friend-time.
There is something wrong with me, and the doctor's cant find out what. Ive been having pain in my chest for awhile now, and its to the point its very bothersome. I told my doctor this on Tuesday, and she looked concerned. I had to have heart monitors put on me, to take reflexes, and they said that looked ok. Then i had to go take X-rays, and they said that the x-rays also looked normal. Yesterday i had to go in for an Echo test. They told me they were going to send the pictures off to a cardiologist, and if something was severe, they would give me a call today, but most likely they will call me in 5 days to tell me that everything is fine. When i went to sit up after my tests were done, i felt faint, and almost passed out. They made me go sit in the damn waiting room to see a doctor, who gave me medicine for Pleurisy (A condition to where the lining of your lungs rubs up against your chest cavity.)
However, i forgot to mention.. Riley Hospital told me that alot of the Chemotherapy i took, could affect my heart. But alas, they also told me i did not have enough to do severe damage.
I have to go in Monday to get a catscan to make sure i dont have blood clots in my chest.
I now have enough medication to start a freakin pharmacy.
I have done alot of thinking in the past of what i really want to go to college for. I felt, for awhile, that i wanted to go into Culinary, but honestly, thats not what my heart is set on. I want to save lives. I want to brighten someone's day. I want to be a nurse.
In the past, i have been told "Your not smart enough to make it through nursing school". This isnt true at all. I have proven to myself, that i am capable of reaching goals. I look at myself in the mirror each day when i wake up, and i simply tell myself "I am loved. I am beautiful. I am smart". It is time for me to prove those wrong who do not believe in me.
I have always been told, that if you want something in life, and you work hard, you shall recieve what you deserve. I have never been a straight A student, and even at times i wanted to give up and quit school, but im glad i never did. I worked hard to get that diploma, and i finally reached that goal. However, now it is time for me to set a new goal in life. I may not be the best in some subjects, but i know in my heart, if i try hard enough, i will reach my goal.
White wings Swirling gently ride The wind that takes You with the tide To shores unknown, Unseen by me. Today you sail A different sea With God to guide Your spirit free.
In loving memory Laura Elizabeth Rudie 6-8-1989 ~ 3-28-2004
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